The Washington Three: Where we accept minorities of all ages

"Wait, what? She's seventeen? Is that even legal?"

"Yeah! It's consensual!"

The Half and Seven Rule (capitalized because, yes, it is that legit): Take your age, divide it by two, and add seven. The remaining number is the minimum age for a girl you can date. Is Biebers vindicated? Numerically, yes. But Danza and Hunter are bound to disagree.

Minority Girls 1 and 2 have an average age of 18 and one month, and that's not even our biggest issue. What is, you ask? We might all be evicted after we fail a cleaning check so abominably that even our money-hoarding apartment complex can't handle our residency. I'm running on five hours of sleep, I have class in seven minutes, and I'm fairly certain that taking a girl to see Harry Potter at midnight might be the least romantic idea I've ever had. Does that bother me? Of course. Enough not to do it? Probably not.

Oh yes.

I had the strangest dream that this little leopard gecko guy was my little buddy who would follow me around everywhere. He was like that little fairy in those final fantasy games who just chilled with you and gave you advice when you needed it. I wish this was true. and that animals could talk, BECAUSE MY DOGS ARE FRIGGIN ADORABLE AND IM SURE THEYD HAVE AWESOME THINGS TO SAY... SCREW ANYONE WHO DISAGREES.

I woke up this morning with some strange feeling in my stomach. Almost like butterflies, but a little less pleasant. Kind of feels like my intestines are being twisted around with a pitchfork...

But that must mean one of two things- Either I missed a big assignment... or worse...

...Cleaning inspections.

Didn't we just have one of these? I just don't want to be the only one at the apartment when that friggin dragon lady comes. Sike, she was way nice, BUT STILL. I had to walk along with her during the entire inspection to make sure everything was the way that she wanted.... I feel like we just should not clean the entire place at all and see what her reaction is. Wait no, that's a terrible idea, I don't feel like paying some maid to come over and doing a half-arsed, mediocre cleaning job. Either way, I'm not looking foward to coming home and cleaning that toilet...\

I think we need some fans of this page.

ALL HAIL KTULU- DEFEATER OF THE BEIBER-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sm6MFYpWXtg

Is the semester over yet?

LOL

SOMETIMES YOU CAN FIND LOVE, EVEN IF YOU DON'T FIND THE SIMILARITIES IN THE PICTURE. LIKE THESE HERE, BUNNY THINGS.

I Will Never Find Love

In an effort to hide this fact, I am posting this picture. It relates.

01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110011 01101001 011011

I hope you can see the similarities between Unitas's picture and mine... If not, you will never find love.

got here with nothing, leaving with this

Four months ago tonight, a feeling was all we had. it was a good one. it went both ways. there were no entanglements with other people or history or stakes. we just talked about how other blind dates usually didn't go so well. we talked about middle school and tried to guess the names of constellations we'd never really seen before.

Tonight I saw Orion shining to the east. I pointed it out and she told me the story of how he got there.

Some people have never fallen in love before, some have, and some still don't really know the difference. I haven't been in love for awhile but this time around it sure felt like it had a chance. It was in the right place but out of room; in the right key, out of tune, and I'm left with all the lines I didn't use, all the nights I had already planned, all the ways I'd later tell the story. As it stands it's not a story of a boy and girl, a game of cat and mouse, or anything else. It's just one more freight train running through Provo in the early Wednesday morning. I'd say, "Thanks, Kid," but she wouldn't get the reference. You know how it goes: you're fighting it, fighting it, fighting it, and then the lights come on and she's gone. You wonder if you ever really had the right to believe. You wonder if she ever gave it a second thought. The world wins another battle, you fall back, you're retreating, regrouping, and repeating and every time the world wins another round you don't even hear it cheer.

it's really nothing personal, you have to understand- it's always only business. it's always only almost right. someday i'll see her wearing a ring too and my mouth will be wide open, but no wider than it was tonight. usually people become more real and easy to relate to the more you get to know them; she was more the other way around. she went from being an idea to another girl to a piece in an edvard munch exhibit. fate is cruel in a thousand ways and i think that each one came across in our story.

tomorrow morning, she'll get out of bed, stretch, and go about her day smiling about the little things and miss completely all of the big ones. at some point you have to wonder if she'll just come and go still wondering what the fuss was all about, all the while trading blows and acting like she can't see the casualties mount- but I can see right through.

SIMiLING (the new confusion)

So my college has a high married student rate. So as i have been gaining experience in the college life i have learned the first thing i do when i look at a girl is shoot my eyes at the left ring finger. ( i must say i have gotten really good at that) then i judge them if they are pretty or not if they dont have a ring on. pretty much. but lately these girls have done one of two things to me well maybe three. first let me say i am generally a happy person who listens to music as he walks and laughs out loud for no apparent reason even when know one else is there walking with me to school. so its safe to say i always smile. well lately ill be walking and smiling at the same time( its not as easy as it sounds or looks(I dont know which one)) anyways i smile at these girls and guys ( i guess) and these girls think i am hitting on them like a creep. so some smile back and giggle and chat to their stupid friends others sneer and make fun and think i am extra creepy, well let me just say this if i were to like u i would do something way creepier than smile to let u know that i would evesdrop on a conversation get your name and maybe follow a bit with out you knowing get info on you then facebook stalk you and send a creepy request with an even creepier message so there u go! take that girls i smile at!

Prufrock, Paolo and the disadvantages of free will

"Shall I dare to eat a peach?" -T.S. Eliot

Where am I? The Library.

What am I supposed to be doing? Writing a paper.

When is said paper due? Almost exactly 12 hours from now.

What distracted me? Indecision. Biebers can't decide if he''s even interested in Minority Girl 1, with whom he has made out with multiple times in only the last three days. Dante can't decide if he's inflexibly disgusted with the inhabitants of Hell, or if Paolo and Francesca are to be pitied instead of condemned. Somewhere in this same library, Kubrick can't decide if the misery of seemingly endless hours of homework can be reconciled with the hopes of a successful career. The entire college football can't decide whether or not Cam Newton is a scoundrel. I can't decide if throwing it deep into double coverage is ever a worthwhile risk, even down by seventeen late in the third quarter. And I'm sure somewhere in this city, Unitas can't decide if "(500) Days of Summer" is biographical.

"But dude, she's under 20, it's ok! It's ok!"

So, Biebers made out with some girl tonight. After she was at our house late last night. They were on the couch, went on a walk, made brownies, studied flash cards on U.S. History, and Biebers proposes: "If I get 5 right, you gotta kiss me." She said ok. He did it. After deferring it for a moment, they kissed. Then they kissed again. Finished the brownies. Then they kissed lots. And questioned what they were doing. Then Biebers tried to leave, but they ended up going on a drive. Around the block. Then they went up to Y Mountain, and made out some more. "Might as well take the opportunity; she's going the distance!" said Biebers. Yup, there it is. "Oh yeah, she's totally going to be doing my homework from now on," he says. "And if we get married, our kids will have three passports!"

Truly, there is nothing better than that. Making out with a minority; ah, yeah!

Biebers Gots a Girlfriend!

THE EVOLUTION!...

So even though i am older (almost 22) and a freshmen (my first semester in college) This is all new to me and i have sat back and made many observations. first the evolution of a college apartment. When i first arrived we had only an entertainment center with no TV, and theses ghetto speakers. this i found is equivalent to the caveman era, nothing but crap. (we did have our laptops/computers). then the next week passed and we got a TV its still old but did the job and we only had like 12 channels. we progressed a bit. its like inventing the wheel, we were in the flintstone age. as time went on i made a huge discovery which changed my college experience, it was how to successfully install cable, we installed the tv wrong and one day i was messing around and found 65 more channels giving us a total of 70. it was awesome it was like going from the flintstone age to some other era like our own. we also got the speakers to work that same week evolving our college experience that much more. next we found redbox promo codes giving us access to alot of free movies which then allowed us to rent alot of movies almost putting us in the jetson's era (almost) So in the matter of a few months we went from not having or know anything to having alot. NEXT STEP PLASMA SCREEN TV AND A GAME CONSOLE!!! AHHH YEAH ! VIDEO GAMES YEAH!

Football and Haircut

Last night I had an intramural football game. The supervisor would not let me play because she said my hair was too long. After awhile I was able to get my hands on some small medical scissors in a mini first-aid kit. My friend then cut my hair, and I played like a champ. I only missed a quarter of the game. I then got back to my friend's dorm and had him shave my hair to even it all out. We won the game too by the way.

Which is better: Summer or Autumn?

Longing.

That was it – longing; the quintessential moment for me as I watched 500 Days of Summer. It was my first time, I was alone, it was 1:00 am Friday night / Saturday morning. I don't think that I expected what I got, yet I am somewhat glad that I did. In any case, it was an experience. Girls, man, girls. And seasons. A recipe for disaster.

Owned.

I Blame "Gilmore Girls"

"I want to win 15 championships.... if that's possible, that is."
-Greg Oden

Chaucer here. My intramural football team got absolutely creamed tonight in its first playoff game. That's right. One and done. The worst part: we played with only four guys in a seven on seven league and still scored twice. We actually would have won had we played at full strength. As is, I binged on Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the hope that I could eat my way through the agony of shattered dreams. A little dramatic for an intramural game loss? I think not.

Unfortunately, the Krispy Kremes were hardly adequate as a diversion to the game, so I turned to my contingency plan: a girl. Expensive? Usually. Disappointing? Most of the time. Generally speaking, a bad call? Risky at best. This time? Awesome.

Kubrick finished a chick flick about five minutes ago and since that time, he has convinced me to watch it. I think I might as well continue the theme of the night: an effeminate reaction to a painful experience. I ate, I sought for comfort in opposite gender, and finally, I retreated to my couch for a Rom-Com. Yes, I'd say the transformation is complete.

DERRICK ROSE OVERSLEEPS; SO DO CHAUCER, BIEBERS, AND DANZA

This morning nobody woke up. Derrick Rose concluded that sleep is better than TV appearances, Danza and Chaucer decided to skip school, Biebers elected to sleep through work, and I'm actually not sure where Hunter was.
The good news for DR is that he is redeemed by the fact that his brutal, two-handed dunk all over Danilo Ganili's Italian trash will be remembered in youtube lore far longer than the previously mentioned demonstration of questionable priorities. As for D, C, and B, it's a lot harder to say where their redemption is coming from as they are all 389.7 or so miles away, though I've got to think it's coming one way or another.

Friday November 5, 2010

Today I took an in-class exam in Portuguese. It was hard, but luckily I studied and went to bed early, so I don't think I did too bad.

AH YEAH BLOGS YEAH

The stench of corn syrup and jelly donut filling reeking on my hands and clothes is a depressing reminder of the failed donut/poster re con mission. I sit in my room. Alone. Lights out. Curtains closed. And the thought of those day-old donuts is haunting my mind. Although last night's mission was unsuccessful, we did manage to gain some intel on our new mission.Operation Cardboard-Heist. Beibers and I were able to check the perimeter outside of F.Y.I. to scope out the target. Info on the target will remain classified, but will be explained in future posts. Possible surveillance missions will be deployed 09:00 tomorrow.

Danza out.

Also, Justin Beiber music videos are a waste of time and do not help the break up process. FACT.

That is all.

Let Me IntroDuce Myself

My Name is Biebers,
I am A male with longish brown hair and boyish features but this is not why I am called biebers. So there a few reasons. one of them is... let me make this easy for the reader and just make a list.

Reason I am called Biebers

• one time my girlfriend and I broke up (we never got back together) and that weekend I watched like 6 different Justin Bieber music videos and tried to dance like him. Why do guys always hate on him? He isnt that bad of a person. (but i watched them cuz i was bored not cuz i was sad and desperate I was spending all my time with this girl and then we split up and i didnt know what to do with myself)
• Another reason i am like Justin Beibers is that I can attract girls 16 and under with no problem but once they turn 17 or older i have to struggle to find girls who will date me. this is not a joke ...(ok maybe a little bit how about you email me and see for yourself)
• I think up some of the most bizzare and whacked out stuff a human can think of and this has nothing to do with Biebers unless you listen to his music on acid which i havent done but i hear its good stuff.
  

So that is me I guess as you keep reading along with some of my post you will begin to understand the mind of Biebers.

In Medias Res

It's 2 AM. Hunter's the only one asleep. Danza's wiping the grime off from his stint in a Krispy Kreme garbage bin. Biebers is plotting his next misdemeanor. Kubrick is probably "nerding out" on some website about Apple. And Unitas is shaving. Yes, shaving. Five hours from now, all six of us need to be awake. Over/Under on college students in this apartment who are actually awake in five hours: 3.5.

Welcome to The Washington Three. And we're live...

Karls Marxism

Ahem. As a recent wanderer into this realm, I wish to make a few observations…

Observation 1: Benjamin Franklin once said, "Those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither." This seems to be the essence of weblogs. One sacrifices their security for freedom, but certainly not freedom for security. Assuming, of course, that blogging does lead to insecurity. Which it does. But not for me.

Observation 2: The country is red. All red. Oh no.

Observation 3: Someone once told me my recognition of Facebook's new typeface as Lucida Grande was nerdy. Well how about the fact that the iPhone's text is set in Helvetica, Apple's marketing face is Myriad Pro, and the title of this blog is set in Georgia? Or maybe that all of the titles and advertising text for the recent film (and an excellent one, I might add) The Social Network are set in regular and italicized Futura? (Also the typeface frequently used by Vampire Weekend.) In either case, I submit that knowledge to be suggestive of an artist, not a nerd.

Observation 4: It is late, and I have a paper to write that is due tomorrow. Such is the life of a college student. But hey, at least my roommates are out stealing Krispy Kremes from the dumpster out back for me right now. All is well, friends. All is well.

this isn't even ironic yet

...and so Danza is in a dumpster somewhere close to the highway, my shift starts in six hours, and this beast begins with me in the top floor (which was pretty hot two months ago, but now brings a whole new variety of liabilities) sitting behind a just-scraping-by laptop surrounded by books that I would've already read in better days.

We didn't start a blog for people who need something to read but for folks who need someone to read it to. It all came because Biebers started talking and we all realized at once that it was his time to be unleashed on the planet. Kubrick was obviously the tech, and Chaucer kept the whole thing tied to the ground. Hunter was just asleep or skyping or something. Once B&D took off for the garbage it all came together.

I don't have much to say for this thing and I'm no good for jokes but this is a song you need to hear.